Today My Mom Yelled At Me

Y'all something has been bothering me all day. This morning, William and I were heading out of the house for lunch, and he was being a wiggle worm and didn't want his shoes put on. My patience was running thin, and it resulted in a spanking- one fueled more by my anger, than him learning that he was being disobedient. I have just felt so guilty, and spent the drive to lunch just praying for God's forgiveness, and making sure William would still smile at me. 

I am not writing this to get a pity party or a bunch of "oh you ARE a good mom, Sara" comments. I know I am a good mom, I know that William loves me. That is precisely why it bothers me so much!! I know every mom has been where I am, if you say you haven't, chances are you're lying. 

It reminded me of this article I read this week. The mom found her daughters journal from when she was young, and each day the daughter would write down "today my mom yelled at me". And it just struck the mom with such sadness that her daughter recorded this. 

Now obviously William isn't writing in a journal that I'm yelling at him, but it still bothers me. I wish I could just go in that little compartment in his brain and remove that memory. However, it's always a good lesson for me; to try and remember to control my emotions and frustration. This wasn't his first spanking, and it won't be his last I'm sure, but I don't want his memory of each day to be that his mama yelled at him.