Today the unthinkable happened. My baby was lost. I have never felt so helpless and scared and just plain sick.
I went to take Riley out, and she did something she has never done before. She ran away from me. She went up the hill behind our house, through the houses, and all the way out to the street. I was barefoot, because usually she goes right to her business, and had to chase her all the way out. When I finally caught her, we hustled home. William usually comes outside with me to let her out, but he didn't follow me. Mama was in the house, so when Riley ran off, I just left, just figuring that he was inside with Mama. I got back to the house, and for a split second I thought "What if he's not in the house?" but I pushed it out of my mind. I walked in the front door and said, "Where is William?" Mama said, "I thought he was with you?!" Oh, I didn't even look up. I flew out the back door and started screaming and searching. He loves to walk into the neighbors back yards, so I scanned as quickly as I could. No William. We have a pond behind our house, and I just knew he had drowned. I was SO afraid. I just searched and searched the area around the pond.
At this point, I was hysterical. Praying outloud, PLEASE JESUS DON'T LET MY BABY BE IN THE POND. I ran to my neighbor Christie's house and opened their door and yelled, "HAVE YOU SEEN WILLIAM?!" They all dropped their dinner and came running out to help. I kept saying, I know he's in the pond, I know it. Sweet Christie said, NO he is NOT in the pond. Don't even SAY it. I ran into the street and stopped a lady walking with her baby. "HAVE YOU SEEN MY BABY?!" I mean yall they probably thought I was insane. She immediately started helping me. I saw an ice cream truck on our street. I was so afraid the ice cream man took him! I literally felt like I was in a movie or a nightmare.
At this point, I literally prayed out saying, "Lord, I know you know where William is. I'm not sure why we are going through this, but I KNOW you will lead me to him. My eyes have searched and searched and I can't find him. If you can PLEASE lead me to him." No sooner than I finished that prayer, a lady ran through the houses saying, "Are you missing a little boy?! In an orange outfit?" I almost fell to my knees. She said she was literally about to dial 911 to help find his family. I ran to the front of the townhouses she was pointing to, and there he was. Sitting on the front steps, holding his ball. Not frightened, and by the grace of God, not hurt. A nice older man had found him while he was walking his dog, and told me he was going to stay with him until he was found. He was comforting William. "Here comes your Mama now, everything is going to be alright." I used the last bit of strength I had (yall know at this point I've been running for like 40 minutes, and I am NOT a runner?!) and ran to those steps and scooped him up and just hugged and kissed him. He was totally like, what?! I'm just sitting here with my ball. I carried him the whole way home like he was the trophy after a big game. He was all the way on the other side of our neighborhood. He does quick work! I mean, he hustled.
The irony that this happened after my post this morning is not lost on me. Didn't I just post about trusting Jesus and calling out to Him in a trial?! Shew, talk about the teacher reinforcing a lesson!
To be honest, I am a little embarrassed that this happened and so many people witnessed my failing as a parent. You always think that anyone that could lose a BABY is negligent and doesn't deserve them. I can't even tell you all the thoughts running through my head. I had just posted a video on Instagram of Riley and William playing. I was thinking, this will be the video they play on the news. The last video of William. Robbie and I will celebrate an anniversary in 2 days, without our baby. I was just so stressed. I am SO, SO thankful to my neighbors and even the neighbors I don't know who helped me bring that angel home. Tonight, when we were saying his prayers, William and I profusely thanked God for all of the people who helped us, and that there are still good people in this world.
Squeeze your babies extra tight tonight! I know I did.
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I have tears in my eyes reading this. I am so thankful he is safe and sound. You did not fail as his mama, but it will take you awhile to feel that way. It's taken me a year to feel better about locking my two in the car. After I saw this on FB I thought about all the close calls you have as a parent and don't even realize it was a close one because you're able to intervene in time and nothing happens at all. We watched Sam open the door to the outside of our cottage Sunday. I would have never thought he could do that, and we wouldn't have normally kept the door locked. This job is incredibly hard and all we can do is do our best and pray. You're doing great!
ReplyDeleteYou have not failed as a mother. I repeat, you have not failed as a mother. Things will happen whether you are holding their hand or a hundred miles away. They move like the speed of light and all we can pray for is that we are faster than they are. Hold on to your hat, because it's going to be a bumpy, but wonderful ride for the next sixteen years. We love you!
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